I am an ultra runner! (Tarawera Ultra Marathon)

I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this. I'm super proud of finishing this race, but am disappointed with my time. It was my first ultra and the attrition rate on this one was quite high even amongst the experienced ultra runners. I was so excited for this race and my running felt really strong. But I was pretty nervous starting this race. I only started running trails in Jan and have had some really big training weeks recently. I haven't been training for the 60km and felt quite intimidated. I was doing the full 60km solo and my friends were doing the 85km as a relay team. I started with Rick and we ran together at the beginning. It was super crowded and not really a run. We talked because I was quite nervous and we found ourselves right near the back of the pack. I was comfortable with this, but Rick's a great runner so it was probably a bit tough for him. I was really grateful for his company. After a few kms, I told him to take off and I was running comfortably and really starting to enjoy it!

Then, I hit a steep downhill section at about 5km and my quad started cramping. What?!? 5km into a 60km I get cramp?!? I haven't felt this bad at the beginning of a run for years! I started panicking. I stopped to stretch it, but it was too tight and I couldn't even stretch it properly. When I tried to walk down the hill I would get sharp cramp pains. How was I ever going to run 55km when I could barely even walk? And why was this happening? I was mentally destroyed. I managed to keep walking and thought about when I was going to pull out. I knew there were 2 aid stations on this leg, but I also knew the guys were waiting for me at the change over point. I thought that I'd try to make it to the change over point (about 12 km from there) and pull out then. I was pretty sure I wouldn't make the cut-off anyway. I passed one aid station and the supporter could see I was in pain. I told him I was cramping but that I was hoping it would go away. I hurried through before he could try to convince me to stop.

As I progressed, the cramps started feeling a bit better. I was able to walk by not bending my left leg much and make progress. Rick had given me some cramp-stop which I tried but it didn't make any difference at all. I tried taking a salt pill and a gu and neither made any difference. There was a flattish bit of trail ahead and I tried running there. I was able to maintain a very slow pace without too much pain in my left leg. But once there hills and bush started again I was back in excruiciating pain. Everytime I would hit even small downhills my quad would feel like it was being stabbed. I was completely alone in the bush by this stage and quite sure I was dead last. I don't know how to describe my mental state at this point except for saying I was destroyed. I felt so weak and useless. How could I have been so silly to sign up for something like this? I was completely in over my head.

As I was slowly jogging along a flat section and making "oh, uh" sounds (not in a good way!) when I felt pain, I heard someone behind me. I got such a fright and he could tell. He asked if I was ok and I told him what was going on, but tried to keep it semi-positive. He told me to stop and he'd massage my legs to see if that would help. I figured it couldn't hurt. I did think it was a bit weird to be out in the middle of the bush with some strange guy massaging my legs, but maybe that's just the LA girl in me. He could tell I was really upset and he told me it happened to the best of them. He was a very experienced ultra runner and said this was his third 100km this year! Suddenly I didn't feel so useless. The massage help, and I remembered I had some biofreeze in my bag. I rubbed that on my quads too and it seemed to help. He told me he'd be running just in head of me and to call out if I needed help. So we jogged slowly on, walking all the up and down hills. We were chatting a bit and it was SO helpful.  

We came to the second aid station and they said "oh, you must be the lady with the cramp". Yep. So I ate some potato chips, had a salt pill and several cups of electolytes. The aid station people were awesome! They all clapped as we ran in and offered tons of encouragement and helped us with anything. They had a huge array of food too. Leaving that aid station there were steps to walk down. Ugh - worst thing ever! I had to hold onto the hand railing and the pain was almost unbearable. At the bottom of the steps, the trail was flooded! Clifford (the guy who massaged my legs) came up behind me and we looked for a way round cuz neither of us wanted ot get our feet wet! So we scrambled around the bush and managed to climb up and down some hills to avoid it. He helped me up some steep sections that I would never have made it up myself cuz my legs were so crampy.

Finally we came out on a gravel road and I was able to run at a semi-decent pace! I actually felt ok! Wow! Clifford told me to run on, so I just kept it consistent. We passed some people giving runners directions and they were very positive and happy. My spirits were improving! Woohoo! We went back into the bush and I ran for a while, but soon the downhill caused sharp pains in my quads again. Ugh. Spirits sunk again. I managed to limp on and Clifford caught up and overtook me. I tried as hard as I could to keep up with him despite the intense pain. I knew I would be getting close to the cut-off and by this point I'd allowed myself to dream that I might be able to continue the race after the first change-over. I pushed with everything I had against the pain and finally we came out on a road again. We looped through some residential streets and I was able to jog. Clifford stopped to clean rocks out of his shoes and after checking that he was ok, I jogged on. Finally I reached the change-over point!! I asked the first person I saw if I had made the cut-off and they said yes!! Then I saw Rick waiting for me and I actually smiled! He walked with me through the aid station and I told him was was going on. I said I'd probably have to pull out at the next change-over, but that I wanted to continue for now. He gave me all the encouragement he could, told me that I was doing well, gave me a big hug and kiss and I was off. I walked off eating a banana and drinking electolytes.

The next section was a lot of gravel road with some steep hills. I jogged the flat and walked the hills with Clifford. It's amazing the conversations you get into with complete stragers in those kind of situations. I'll never forget how encouraging he was! What an amazing guy! At the end of the gravel road, we reached another aid station and was both stopped an munched on a lot of stuff. We both filled our camelpacks and jogged off. They told us we had 3 hours to reach the next point. 3 hours! I thought that would be heaps of time!

I was feeling much better by this point and my legs were able to handle jogging. I still couldn't jog any downhills though. There was quite a lot of steady uphill on fairly easy track so I jogged on as much as I could. Clifford stopped and told me to run on because he was stuffed. I did, but expected to see him soon. I jogged on and felt really good! It was beautiful scenery and I was really starting to enjoy the race! I couldn't do any good paces, but just kept progressing. There were several sharp downhills to cross streams which were agony for me, but I just kept going. After quite I while I realized that I was actually getting close to the time goal. The downhill had started now and I was barely able to walk it. I had to stop and take small steps sideways down any of it. Sometimes I would get so frustrated that I tried to jog it but would yell out in pain as the stabs of pain hit my quads. I knew I would be really close to hitting the cut-off and had allowed myself to dream that I could finish the race.

Eventually the steep downhill turned into gradual ups and downs that I was able to jog. I progressed as quickly as I could, but still really enjoying the trails. It was absolutely stunning scenery no matter how much pain I was in. I passed a group of people who were hiking and they looked at me like I was crazy. I'd been on my own for several hours by now, so it was just nice to see people!
Finally I saw a sign that said 2km to the lake. YES! I was almost there! I just had to do that 2km in 20 mins. Now that might not seem like a challenge normally, but it was at the rate I was going. I ran as best as I could, ignoring the pain on the downhills. I tried to breath depply and steadily in case that helped the cramps. Finally I made it to the flat section, crossed a road and saw the change over point! I'd made it with 6 minutes to spare!!! Woohoo!

There was Rick and Cyril clapping and giving me huge grins. They walked me over to the aid station and I could see the relief on Rick's face that I had made the cut-off. He knew I would be absolutely gutted if I couldn't make it. I told them I wanted to continue and they said I had no cut-off on this leg and just had to make it. I finally relaxed. I munched away on the picnic at the aid station, drank several cups of coke (best tasting drink EVER!) and decided to head off. I dumped some of the stuff I'd been carrying in my pack - I had WAY too much food - and walked off with my cup of coke, banana and bag of jelly beans. Cyril yelled after me, "well run then!". A big grin spread across my face. This was fun! I gave him the finger (in a nice way) and walked off. This was the pretty leg!

I was in such an awesome place mentally on the last leg. I jogged along, singing and enjoying the beautiful views across the lake. This leg was a lot more technical so I was climbing over stuff and it was more like the trails I'd run out in the Waitaks. I munched away on the jelly beans, but still didn't run any of the downhills. I didn't want to push and make the cramps worse. I passed several people! Woah, I passed people!! I chatted with each of them and was having an absolutely amazing time. I ran into the first aid station and they were all clapping for me. I was so happy and had my little picnic and ran off. Coke was tasting absolutely amazing so I had several cups. I walked quite a bit of the next section as it was pretty technical up and down hills and I didn't want to make the cramps worse. At one point I was clmibing over a fallen tree and groaning loudly in pain as a guy came up behind me and asked if I was ok. His face looked so concerned! I laughed and told him I was cramping but that I was fine. He ran on in front, but when we came to the flat I was much faster than him so I overtook again and sped off! I sped! Yep, about 50km into the 60km race I was starting to feel good!

I just cruised and really enjoyed the final 10km. I was very pleased to be able to run everything except the steep downhills and passed a lot of people who were walking. Who knew that I could actually run 55km with cramps!?! I stopped at the falls about 1km from the finish line and took pictures. (yes I carried my phone the whole way!) Some guys stopped and took a picture of me which I was really grateful for! Then I took off and sped into the finish line. Crossing this line was the most amazing feeling! It was such an accomplishment to have dug myself out from such a deep mental hole and complete this race. I know I'll be back for revenge with fresh, uncrampy legs. But for now, I'm just enjoying the feeling of having completed my very first ultramarathon! I am an ultra runner!

Stealing from Sleep

Time to be honest with myself... I'm tired, grumpy and emotionally drained. My legs and arms feel fine. I'm stretched, fed and my muscles have been rested. But when I'm training at the moment I can't seem to push my heartrate out of zone 1-2. I'm burning the candle at too many ends.

In the next 10 days I'm doing my first ultra-marathon (60km of trails) and a half ironman. And I'm trying to keep training going for IM CDA in June. And keep my job. And enjoy the excitement of being in a new releationship. And keep in touch with my family. And keep in touch with my friends. And bake muffins and cookies for workmates. And keep the house clean. And eat healthy. And get enough sleep. So while I may be doing a mediocre job of some of those things, I'm doing a downright terrible job of that last one. In the last month I think I've gotten 8 hours of sleep once. And I felt unstoppable that morning! So how do I do everything? It's time to realize that I'm not super woman and I need to start prioritizing. How do people achieve balance while training for endurance events? Here are my next steps:

1. Take some time out for me. I'm emotionally drained and I know myself well enough to know that nothing will change until I fix this. Even if it's just an hour, I need to do something that is entirely for my happiness and doesn't include training or checking stuff off on the to-do list. I WILL make this happen today.

2. Listen to myself better and hopefully before I get grumpy. I need to pay more attention to when I'm getting emotional and grumpy. I know this isn't me and it's not how I want to live life. I need to realize that when this happens I need to take time out. Even a little bit of time will make a huge difference.

3. Be less self-centered. While I have a lot of my own goals and dreams that I want to achieve, I have an even stronger desire to make the world a better place. It doesn't need to be a huge impact, but even a smile or something to brighten someone else's day will make the world a little happier. No matter how I'm feeling on those long, hard rides and runs or how tired I'm feeling, I want to give. That means thinking of others and not myself. I believe when I focus on doing this, my happiness and success flows naturally.

4. Accept that nothing I do will ever be perfect and that's just fine. This one is pretty self explanatory. I just need to remember it every single day.

5. Take the time to remember my long term goals and set achievable short term goals to help achieve these. This will probably mean another blog post! :-)

6. Worry less about what people think! I need to do what I think is best, and that includes going to bed before 10pm every night!

I feel such a huge relief just after typing this. I'll see how I do following these over the next 10 days and hopefully will be in a better mental place soon. :-)